Self Esteem Building In Children Is Vital

In most cases, children with low self-esteem feel that the important adults and peers in their lives do not accept them, do not care about them very much, and would not go out of their way to ensure their safety and well-being.

When kids do something that is viewed as stupid or inappropriate, they instantly feel the hammer of shame, embarrassment, and humiliation. Afterwards they feel even more embarrassed to face anyone about their issues and opinions for fear they will again reserve the same horror of emotions.

Emotionally, low self-esteem affects a child's development in many ways.
Negative self-esteem is related to low self-confidence, insecurity, underachievement, anxiety, depression, acting-out behavior, sleep problems and being a loner. Children's self-esteem is based largely on their perceptions of how the important adults, specifically their parents, judge them and receive them.

Self-esteem includes the feelings and thoughts that we have about ourselves, how competent we feel, and how optimistic we are that we can succeed. According to the text (Bee & Boyd 2006) all children's experiences and perceptions come from the experience they have with their parents.

Once low self-esteem is formed, the fear and anxiety that accompanies it affects everything a person does, say, and thinks. If kids are exposed to negativity to often during the development years it can result in severe nature vs. nurture issues (Bee & Boyd 2006). Low self-esteem can encourage a child to avoid seeking new jobs, initiating relationships, or learning new skills for fear of rejection or failure when they grow up into adulthood.

Anger problems, domestic and teen violence show increasingly low self esteem at the root of these children.

The most effective and lasting treatments is that of a combination of working to improve one's self-esteem along with learning techniques to manage anger. All too often, however, when people seek therapy of enter into anger management classes, self-esteem is not even discussed.

So how do we combat it?

1) Listen: It is important to the child that the parent listens, takes his or her feelings seriously, and spends time alone with their child. They can also show their respect and support by allowing their child to make decisions, respecting their child's possessions, and expressing love with words and hugs.

2) Pay close attention: As the child grows older and develops interests you influence how they play out by supporting their decisions and enrolling them in that music class they felt was there ideal hobby. Or if basketball was the love of their life get involved, go to the games cheer for them, make eye contact and show your there for them 100 percent no matter what they decide to do.

3) Recognize warning signs: Is your child or teen withdrawing from outside experiences, friends, and sports? If they used to play basketball three times a week and suddenly stop all together or if they have a drastic attitude adjustment that just seems so out of character? Do they hurt themselves, cut marks show up and they explain it away as if it is nothing? These are all warning signs and you may need outside help to intervene, but don’t pretend there is nothing wrong, this can actually make the child even more upset that you didn’t notice they needed you.

Just remember these two things: trust from your child or teen is the most
Important. If they feel you’re going to railroad them, they won’t open up to you. The second thing is communicate with your child without sounding like a lecturer at a conference. Try using suggestive talk, as in ...”boy whn I I was younger it sure made me mad when my BFF would ignore me around her new boyfriend”….then simply ask “what do you think”? (Make sure you listen to their answer).

Communicating and asking for them to problem solve will give them so much confidence in their own decisions and increase their trust that you will listen! This makes for a lasting relationship between you and your child that will never be forgotten!


Sources:

Bee, H. & Boyd, D. The Developing Child, (2007) (11th Ed.) (pp.3-4, 12), Pearson Education, Inc.